We will travel this Christmas to provoke President Buhari

Earlier this year, Nigerian’s thought the second coming of Buhari is the strangest thing to happen to Nigeria in 2019, some were even hoping, though they knew it’s impossible, that Buhari is leaving Aso Rock back to wherever he has been resting before they dragged Him to Abuja.

President Muhammadu Buhari

By Mike Ikenwa

Obviously Buhari was dragged to Aso Rock. I know that is to hard to believe, but yet, think about it like a Nigerian, in Nigeria and knows our political system. Who really think a 76 year old former military general would genuinely want to come back to power in a democratic era?

Apart from the fact that he has no idea how the democracy of a thing even works, he can’t fit into the system, having to wait for approval from ordinary senators, who may not even want to pass his bills, or to obey court orders (after all he has not been doing so either) to release people who speak against his policies. We know that is not Buhari we know, but what do we do? Nothing.

We experienced the change, obviously we did. Firstly we saw decline in curruption. I don’t know about you, but over here at my small room fitted with small bachelors bed that I bought back in 2014, it’s practically a lifestyle now to manage your days or go forever hungry. He promised the change and we saw it happen.

The corruption was so much reduced to the point that poverty was forced to crawl out of its hiding place to look for how to improve in its work or be killed by hunger, and it really did improve. We can see that as the country was in June declared as the new poverty capital of the world after we successfully snatched it from the former holder – India who’s leaders are too lazy that they pushed poverty away from their country.

Another evidence of that ‘Change’ that Baba promised us was the rate at which fraud is increasing. I don’t want to blame poverty on that, because he is still struggling to finish up what he started, but this time, I am going to blame it on the man called ‘hunger’, yes, he is responsible for the rate at which our young people go into fraud.

The annoyimng thing is that this hunger is not even doing the job well, rather it’s pushing our lazy citizens into doing petty fraud.

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My colleague’s phones were stolen from his shop that he manages with his wife whenever he leaves office, and the thieves, instead of working hard to see how they can transfer his money from his bank which is linked to his phone number to another bank, but instead used it to buy recharge cards for their friends and families. Imagine that? I wouldn’t say why they bought for their friends, maybe to use it to be in touch for future deals, but why connecting your families and putting their lives too at risk of what they don’t even know, why not be a good fraudster in peace?

Now Christmas is approaching, and the stories we are hearing are not even something we can’t afford to celebrate. We are still putting some beans together to see how we can arrange for ‘Akara and Akamu’ celebration ahead of the things to face this season.

Firstly, we are hearing that only those that are in Aso rock, or have connection with people there are going to eat it this season. Oh, I forgot to mention their semi gods around the states too. those ones that are blaring sirens on every nukes and crannies of our lives.


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For the first time in time we can’t remember, we are witnessing women being caught stealing cups and nylons of rice. Rice. Rice, the most common and widely consumed food in Nigeria. I even watched one that was caught with the small rice she stole and hide in her wrapper. You can imagine how small it is to fit into her wrapper. Lazy woman.

The good news everywhere now is that the price of the rice, from all indications is going to go up to thirty thousand Naira, that is if Buhari remains a good president, keeps up the good work and not interfere with the process. What this means is that there is going to be low traffic on our roads this season, at least those demi gods and their families moving from one city to another this season will drive freely without seeing anyone to pull over and flog ‘shege’ in traffic under the scotching sun that has vowed to even frustrate all efforts Buhari is making towards committing to the climate change as other world leaders are doing.

A woman sits outside a shed as she waits for food rations at an internally displaced persons (IDP) camp on the outskirts of Maiduguri, northeast Nigeria June 6, 2017.

I don’t want to talk about the petroleum managers and their seasonal strike, mostly in partnership with their good neighbours, the tanker drivers. That one is a story we don’t want to bore you with almost everyone know that it’s a normal thing for those bodies to go on strike once the Christmas bells begin to ring and blare around the streets.

So, how do we travel this season to see how families and loved ones that hunger has deprived some good air and whose voice we almost can’t recognize are doing? Thanks to the same hunger, powered by our dear president all the way from London, but you see this time, I know Nigerians, they are too lazy that in this type of situation, they will still travel, to what end? I don’t know, but you see, they will travel again, just to provoke our hardworking and transforming president. We won’t allow that!

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